Jim.

You really need to get this door fixed, man.

Yeah, I know.

Where have you been all night? You’re never home this late on Monday night. I’m not sure whether I should be worried or relieved.

Haha, you’re funny.

Seriously, man. You’re always home early. It doesn’t matter what day of the week it is.

It’s only a little after midnight.

You are an insufferable bore, and we both know it. So out with it. Where’ve you been?

I don’t know...

You don’t know?

No, not really.

All right, man. If that’s how you’re going to be, I won’t ask. But as much as you bore the hell out of me, I find myself intrigued.

Thanks, man.

No problem. So you’re going to call to get the door fixed?

Why don’t you call? You live here too.

I figure I’m giving you the opportunity to reach out and have a normal conversation with someone besides myself. I do it, or don’t do it, because I care about you, dude.

I talk to people. How do you think I got a job working as a waiter?

For all I know, you stole some poor fool’s uniform, started acting like you work at “The Lucky Nine” and after a week or two, managed to get your name on the payroll.

You’re so stupid.

And you look tired.

I am tired.

Then go to bed.

Going.

But before you crash, I’ll give you one last chance to tell me who you had sex with tonight.

What?

If you got laid, you’d tell me right? Friends don’t not tell friends when they get laid. Did you get laid?

Goodnight, Jim.

Please tell me?

I’ll call Hal in the morning about the door.

You’re not going to tell me.

I have nothing to tell.

You never do!

Maybe I like it that way.

When are you going to start living the life of a 23-year-old man?!

When are you going to start butting into your own life instead of everyone else’s?

I have a life, okay?

Good! So ask yourself if you got laid tonight. I am sure your answer will satisfy your inquisitive taste buds much better than mine could.

As a matter of fact, I did get laid tonight.

Despite having not asked, I congratulate you on your supreme manhood.

You are never this arrogant! What happened tonight?!

Goodnight, man.

Tell me her name!

I’m going to bed now, Jim.

You suck, man.

I know. Goodnight.

Night.


Word Count: 2,185